Saturday, May 23, 2009


I learned some things about myself today that I am not too proud of.

I have spent my entire life thus far failing to listen to other people. Failing to appreciate what other people had to contribute to my life. I cannot help but ask myself why? Slowly, I am going though the music on my computer, and the sheer beauty and simple brilliance of most of it slapped this girl into her self-revelation. Why did I spend years fighting to listen to anything BUT this music during the many car rides we shared? Why did I object to every movie put up for movie night (every night).
That brings me to the second thing I came to realize about myself this evening. I have become the very person that I chose to leave nine months ago. The only thing I desire to do nowadays is sit on my couch and watch movie after movie, or TV episode after TV episode. While I would like to say that it is out of pure appreciation for the art of cinema and television, I know that it is simply because I am unhappy. I concluded that you socialize when you are happy, and you hide away when you are unhappy. Which made me realize that he was not happy with me in the end. He was where I am. Now he is happy. Good for him. I will get there again one day.
Until then, I will enjoy the movie suggestions I refused to listen to for so many years.

As my wise mother told me today...

We go through things in life for one of three reasons. Discipline, Development, or...forgive me, I cannot remember the third one...

I am being developed.

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