Losing relationships, losing jobs, losing friends, losing my identity...
All very sad and life-altering things.
Just now I realized that I am done Changing for the moment. I am now in the process of Living! I really do feel that I am (somewhat) OK with being single. I like that I am free to be myself and focus on myself for a little while. I have a job starting in about a week that I am very excited about. I really think I know who my friends are after all the smoke has cleared from recent uncalled for events. And, finally, I am realizing how quirky I really am, and I am learning to love myself for it! Sure, I don't know what I want to do for a career yet, but that will come in the future. For now I can relax and go with an actual flow in my life. I can finally just be. At least for a moment.
I am incredibly thankful for my dear roommate, Natalie.
She watches out for me in such a way that I can't help but know I am loved.
She has gone above and beyond when she worried about me, and I cannot thank her enough.
She fills my life with so much joy and laughter.
She made the last year bearable.
I don't know how I could have managed without her across the hall.
My dear dear loves, Rachel and Kimberly.
Each of you has shown me the kind of friendship I always hoped I'd have.
When the roads got complicated and bumpy, you both stood by me and made it work.
Rachel, you always reminded me of how much you loved me, and that pushed me onward.
Kimberly, you kept me busy when I needed it, and let me cry when I needed it more than staying busy. You held me and rocked me for an hour at my breaking point 6 months ago.
My love for you both is irreplaceable.
Again, thank you all.
(long pause for a long phone conversation)
On a side note, I really like feeling like I'm needed. Who doesn't, I know... but when a friend tells me that I'm helping them in some way, it really helps me with my own healing process. For so long I was the one who needed fixing. So much so that I was useless to my friends' benefits. Helping a friend is helping me.
Two last blips:
1) I am finally going to conquer the Twilight series.
2) Everyone needs to watch the short series called Harper's Island. (It's somewhat lame in the beginning, but once it picks up it does not stop for countless episodes).
Or should I say good morning!?